Spring And Sliding Door Moments
Spring has arrived. Doors and windows are being opened. Fresh air is coming in and you hear the first birdsong outside. At least that's what it used to be up North. Today I want to share with you what Gottmann calls a sliding door moment in a relationship. It's a moment of opportunity that you can choose to take and step in, or you can choose to let the door slide shut. An example Gottmann uses is when one evening, he was very involved in his novel and couldn't wait to get back to it. On his way to the bathroom he saw his wife in front the mirror, brushing her hair and looking somewhat sad. He saw the opportunity to stop and inquire how she was feeling, and immediately thought: "No! I want to read my novel. Not now." But as the good researcher and relationship guide he is, he stopped and asked. You might think:"No big deal. She would have been fine and he could asked later." Yes of course, you are right.
But in his 30 plus years of research he found an overwhelming evidence that these little, seemingly unimportant moments add up to a whole lot more. Either way. You step through the door and connect, or you slide it closed and let it go. Both ways you are accumulating interest so to speak. Little things add up over time. The compound effect by Darren Hard is a good book on that subject.
I encourage all of us, me included,to
walk through them. Let in the fresh air, a warm breeze and see what new things can develop. It doesn't matter if you have been married 3 years, 13 or 23 years. We can always start by being aware. By training our thoughts to even notice these moments. The next step is to notice our thoughts around them. From there we can learn to implement a new thought. Instead of "It's such a small thing, it won't matter", to "These small moments add up. It does matter." So, This spring, let's walk through the sliding doors towards new and better connection.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
Call or write for a free 20 minute life coaching session #732-331-2246 Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com