Hi Friends, Where did you find yourself in the circle of life? I am sure you have heard a lot about self esteem and the importance of it. What is not as openly talked about is self compassion. On the road to higher self esteem, we are told to Go Big and Aim High. While those are noteworthy ambitions, what happens often in the process is that we beat ourselves up on the way. We are hard on ourselves because that's what we think will motivate us to reach our goals. Studies actually show, that self criticism does not motivate us. We believe it does, so we stick with it. We believe the only way forward is to criticize our mistakes and to be hard on ourselves, so we can progress and achieve what we set as our goal. That might work in our twenties or if you happen to be a high achiever personality. But, I am writing mostly to women who have been around the sun a few times. We are in a different phase of life and have different needs.
And my clients and myself are not in that category. Some of us are in the 15-20% of the population called HSP. Highly sensitive people. I also have clients who are Go-Getters and they, just the same, need self compassion. America especially is go go go. Bigger better stronger. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Go jump and burn the bridges. Jump and the wings will appear. Go big or go home. Have you heard these sayings? They do not resonate with all of us. I am gentle with my clients, because I have had coaches myself who are not gentle. And I remember the feeling of not being heard, not understood, and not aligned. There is so much to self compassion. What comes to your mind? Self compassion means amongst other things:
taking time out for yourself
feeling and processing all your feelings (it’s healthier that way and that is self compassion)
putting your hand on your heart and taking some deep breaths and saying, “It’s ok."
being compassionate for the old you that made choices you now regret
being compassionate for the present you and knowing you are doing your best
seeing mistakes as just that, not failures
giving yourself the support you need
asking for the support you need from others
seeing 'negative' emotions as neutral and as something that we as humans experience, all of us
learning to change our self talk from judge to supporter
allowing ourselves to rest
allowing ourselves to dream
being OK with our speed of moving forward
What would you add? I encourage you to take some time and see where your life could need an extra dose of self compassion. I will cheer you on, always!
Self compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. Christoper K
PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
Call or write for a free life coaching consultation
#732-331-2246
Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com