Annoyed at your family member?
How come we become so offended at our loved ones? Why are they so annoying? They'll never change, right? We get so offended and hurt and annoyed because that's what our brain notices first. It takes a bit of work to train ourselves to see the positive in others. What we notice is their weaknesses. Have you ever considered that it's the same for them? We would love for them to notice our strong points, but realistically, they notice our shortcomings. I want to offer you that those weaknesses come coupled with strengths. And the strengths we applaud in others come with weaknesses. This is one definition of weakness: a quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault.
A definition of strength is :
The capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.
In families especially we see these strength and weaknesses play out. It is up to me if I want to be annoyed at the weaknesses or not. Let me use my weakness of being unorganized. This can definitely upset my spouse or children. But the strength that comes with this is my flexibility. And my ability to drop anything to have fun with my kids. Or consider my spouse who is not very spontaneous. I could see that as a weakness. But he plans ahead and double checks and makes sure everything has been considered before making a decision. That often comes across as annoying to me, and I need to retrain my mind to see that as a strength.
Another example is a person who is considered shy or doesn't talk much. That could be considered as rude or unfriendly. And their strength is discernment. I know they don't share just anything with anybody because they have a chosen few whom they trust and allow themselves to be vulnerable with. I just want to encourage you to see beyond the obvious characteristics and look for the hidden strengths. The same goes for the bossy child who tells all the neighborhood kids what to do and how to play. That child has natural leadership qualities. Just needs to learn how to lead with kindness of course. How about the child who explores and loves to do projects around the house? With such an imaginative mind probably comes a trail of messes.
So can you look past the messes and see the imagination and be happy about that? In the past I have used the different strengths in my family to plan and host a birthday party. One was good with cake decorating, but would never want to lead a game. One was good with games but wouldn't necessarily want to send out invitations. One was happy going to the grocery store but wouldn't be the best greeter for the guests. And on it goes. We all come with a set of strength and weaknesses. Lets find the hidden strengths in our spouses and children, extended family and coworkers. Cause isn't that what we want others to do for us?
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
Call or write for a free 20 minute life coaching session #732-331-2246 Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com