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  • Writer's pictureIsabelle

How NOT to use the 5 love languages

Hi my friends,

you have probably heard of the 5 love languages, correct? If not , hop over to , take a look and take the test. If it's been a while that you have done the test, I encourage you to go back and take it again. Believe it or not, they can change.

The more we learn to fill our own buckets , the less we have a NEED for our spouse to fill ours and the freer we are to fill theirs.

Here is a picture to remind you what they are.

So, in this chart you get a good idea of how to use them. I would like to tell you today, how not to use them!! Because there are always two sides.

I will get right to the point.

1) Don't give out of lack

What do I mean? When you are serving and doing, and helping and loving and comforting ( a lot of you are moms and that's what we do) and then try to do one more thing, you will run yourself ragged. You heard or read about them, and it sounds so good, you add it to your to do list, and it's not working out like you imagined. It goes back to self care, and filling yourself up first so you actually give out of abundance. If you are faith based, you know your source. Plug in and fill up."Indeed the water I give them will become to them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14. There should be a scripture saying:" How good it is, dear children, to give out of abundance. " Well, the Bible does talk about what comes out of our mouths is what is stored up in our hearts. What are you going to do to fill yourself up? Maybe my next blog post will address that.

2) Don't give expecting something in return

When you give with expectations, you set yourself up for disappointment , and possible resentment. Don't do that to yourself or your spouse. It will actually create more tension and feelings of aloneness and misunderstanding. Give, simply because you want to give .

3) Don't focus on what your partner does or does not do

What you focus on expands, right? And the more you focus on your lack and what your partner is not giving you, how he or she is not speaking your love language, the more your problem grows. Focus on you instead. It is much healthier. You can only work on yourself anyway.

4) Don't expect "language fluency"

What do I mean by that? So my mother tongue is German and I have taught German in school and privately. And now I have the pleasure of helping my daughter's boyfriend learn a few words. So, do I expect him to write me a full paragraph or hold a full conversation the next day? No. That would be ridiculous. The same goes with speaking love languages. Chances are your partner's love language is not the same as yours. Understand that it is more difficult for them to speak your love language. So give some grace, a lot of grace.

As with any tool, it can be used to build or to tear down. You choose.

By the way, you can and should fill your own love language bucket. For example, if your love language is gifts : pick up a small gift once in a while for yourself. If it is words of affirmation, speak affirmations over yourself ( free download in my shop). Touch is a little tricky. But you get the idea.

Fill yourself up and give from the abundance of your heart.

You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.

Contact me if you need one on one help in your relationship. I am here to serve. First session is free!

Until then,



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