Messy Rooms-Beautiful Souls
How are you my friends? So above is a picture of my family, with all six children, one fiance, one girlfriend and one boyfriend. What you don't see is our rooms. Our messy rooms. Oh yeah. I have come a long way from demanding my children to clean their rooms RIGHT NOW! It didn't work. Left me frustrated and angry, and therefore, left my children frustrated and angry. Frustration and anger don't feel good. I don't know about you, but I like to feel good. It only took me 20 years of parenting, lol, to figure some things out. Well, not 20 years. When I made up my mind to find a better way to parent, I searched and listened and learned some new ways. Of course it takes time to implement. So what's my new way, you may ask? I can tell you, but you will have to come up with your own. Some of you belief in giving stricter consequences, or no consequences at all. For some this needs to be done daily and perfectly, while for others you have a weekly routine in place. I used to yell, and demand, and it was ugly. What I changed is my thinking about it. My beliefs about all these messes.
Here's my brain:" Your kid's room is a mess. You are a bad mom." Me:"Hi brain.I used to belief you. But not anymore. I know I am a good mom." Brain: "Seriously? It's a disaster!" Me:"I know." Brain:" Hopefully no one will stop by. That would be so embarrassing." Me:"If someone does stop by, that's Ok." Brain:"If you had your act together, you would teach your kids to clean more." Me:" Maybe, but I'm O.K and I love my kids anyway." Brain:"Have you seen your friend Suzy's house? It's sparkling clean!" Me:"I know. Good for her." Brain:" What? I'm confused." Me:"I value my relationship with my kids more than their messy rooms." Brain:"You are not going to make them clean?" Me:"Not now. Maybe another time. We're good."
This is our friend Sam with my son Lucas and my daughter Tatiana. One is a messy., one is not.This is what Sam said to me when he stayed with us for a week.
"Your children's rooms might be messy, but their souls are beautiful."
Say what? Thank you so much for saying that Sam. I don't think I have ever received a better compliment about my parenting. ( We'll talk about how to receive compliments another time). So, are you a "good" mom? And who are you letting define what "good mom" means?
Whatever you choose to do about those messy rooms, really think about how you want to show up as a mom and what you value more. The clean room or the relationship with that child? If you want to have strict consequences, then make those clear to your child in a calm, loving manner and stick to your plan. No nagging, no yelling, just stick to the plan. It helps if the child/teen is part of that plan and even suggests consequences. usually we go to the extreme, don't we? And just in case you wonder, yes, I have said: "Hey, it's getting too messy in here. Time to clean it up. Can you get some done now, and some more over the weekend?" And guess what happened last night. One of my messy children decided to deep clean his/her room. Without me saying anything. How about that? By the way, don't look into my bedroom! :). Yes brain, I am working on it.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
Call or write for a free 20 minute life coaching session #732-331-2246 Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com