Hi friends,
how are you?
Today I want to introduce you to different communication styles. See if you can find yourself in one or more of them.
Communication Styles:
It is vitally important to understand communication styles. Not only for your own use, but to understand other people better.
MOST of the problems people face can be cleared up with communication tweaks! This applies to relationships, individuals, and your own personal growth.
• Aggressive: mean, arrogant, oblivious, manipulative, self-absorbed, threatening, controlling, hostile, overbearing, attacking, dominant, abusive, bully, martyr.
“You never listen to me! I am sick of being ignored. Keep it up and we are through!”
• Passive: holds it all in, or sucks it up, guilt, shame, low self-esteem, powerless, weak or no boundaries, door mat, needs validation and acceptance, victim.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking, just don’t leave me.”
• Passive-aggressive: manipulative, sarcastic, unreliable, gossiping, two-faced, devious, back handed compliments, indirectly aggressive.
“You’re right, I don’t listen to you, but you don’t listen to me! Whatever!”
• Assertive: clear message, uses I statements, respected, self-accepting, self- aware, self-confident, powerful, well defined boundaries, active, self-sufficient, socially and emotionally healthy.
“Can we talk? I am struggling and I’d really love if we could work it out together.”
How to become more assertive:
• Use “I” statements: “I feel really angry right now.” instead of “YOU make me angry. You care more about work than me!”
• Explain rather than expressing in anger: “I’m angry. I need a few minutes to process my feelings so I don’t blow up.”
• Be painfully honest: Be honest or be lonely. Nobody likes a liar. “I am feeling reckless right now. I think I need to go do something adventurous before I give in to my desire to start drama!” *This is being honest with your partner AND yourself!*
• Stop complaining: Discharging negative feelings is good, but constant complaining is overbearing. It is OK to have negative emotions, but it’s not OK to constantly focus on them and let them ruin your life. Focus on being grateful for the things you have! An attitude of gratitude can squash almost all negative emotions!
• Disconnect distractions: Turn off the TV, Facebook, radios, internet, etc... and be FULLY present when communicating.
• Use good body language: Be conscious of eye rolling, foot or finger tapping, folded arms across body, a turned away gaze, glassy eyed (daydreaming), etc... show you are full present and listening without judgement.
SIDE NOTE: Some people constantly hurry others through what they have to say in an effort to show that they already know what you are telling them. No matter what the subject matter, they need to convince others of their intelligence.
When speaking with them, they often say “Yea yea yea, got it” in a hurried pace as if to say “What you are saying is not important, especially since you couldn’t possibly tell me something I don’t already know.” In fact, they sometimes even say... “Oh, I already know that!”
It’s rude and unkind. Even if you know what the person is telling you, take time to listen and be grateful that they care enough to share with you!
• Stop interrupting: Just stop. And listen. You are NOT listening if you are “one upping", ”thinking of your response, or trying to share your own story.”
• Agree to disagree: When you don’t agree, just agree to disagree without sarcasm, ultimatums, or dismissals.
• Listen to intentions when the words hurt: Do you REALLY believe this person is out to get you? If the answer is no, then show compassion and think about what they were actually saying. “You drive too fast, you are reckless! Don’t you care about us?” might actually mean: “I feel scared, and I am afraid to lose you. Please slow down.”
PS: Message me for a free consult if you want to start having healthier communication in your family.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time,
Isabelle
Call or write for a free life coaching consultation
#732-331-2246
Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com