Hi friends,
how are you?
For some reason, I'm prompted to pull back the curtain and let you see some of my ugly thoughts and feelings.
This is not easy to write, but I'm following my prompting.
This week I got coached in my coaching group and during a follow up call with my mentor from the marriage intensive. Twice. And They both wanted me to see the same thing.
The thing that doesn't feel good, that I want to go away ASAP.
I hate to confess this, but the feeling is : Envy!
There, I said it. What am I envious of? Among other things, I'm envious of some coaches in my group.
Yes, I pretend that I'm happy when they sign more clients than me, when they make more money than me. But I'm jealous.
So I was asked to see it, and to sit with it. Something I would ask my clients to do for sure.
I can tell you it doesn't feel good and I want to change it so bad. But just like I "preach", I've got to see it and feel it first. I had no problem acknowledging it, and sharing it while all other coaches watched the training. But I want it to go away, so I can feel a more pleasant emotion. So here I am, a coach, being coached hard.
What does God say about coveting your neighbor?
Not to covet.
So I'm not aligned with God, which is really what I want to be. I want HIS love to flow right through me to others.
"A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones." Proverbs 13:40
I"m sharing this, not only for you to know that I'm a mess, like everyone else, but for you to observe yourself without judgement, without hurrying to solve and feel better. It's OK to feel all emotions.
We will always have those feelings. They won't go away, not as long as we are on this earth anyway.
Be compassionate with yourself.
.
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