Tuesday Thoughts And Red Flags

Isabelle

20 minutes ago

3 min read

Hi Friends,

Tuesday Thoughts and the Red Flags We Explain Away

Maybe you've been in a relationship where you noticed things that didn't feel quite right, but you weren't sure what to call them. Maybe you've already left a relationship and, looking back, you can see things more clearly now. Or, perhaps you're starting a new relationship and want to be a little more aware of the things that deserve your attention. Whatever season you're in, red flags aren't always big, obvious warning signs. Sometimes they're small moments that we notice, explain away, and eventually get used to.

A red flag doesn't always mean “run.” Sometimes it simply means pay attention. Here are a few things worth noticing:

You feel like you have to be careful about what you say.

Maybe you find yourself thinking about how the other person will react before you say something. You start avoiding certain subjects, keeping opinions to yourself, or carefully choosing your words because you don't want to cause an argument or upset them. Healthy relationships should have room for honesty, even when we don't always agree.

Your feelings are regularly dismissed or minimized.

There is a big difference between someone seeing a situation differently and someone making you feel like your feelings are ridiculous, overly sensitive, or unimportant. We don't have to agree with someone else's feelings to respect them. Being able to say, “I don't see it the same way, but I understand that this hurt you,” is a very different response from simply brushing those feelings aside.

They rarely take responsibility without turning it back on you.

Everyone makes mistakes. We all say things we wish we hadn't said and sometimes hurt the people we love. What matters is what happens afterward. Can they genuinely say, “I was wrong,” or does every conversation somehow end with an explanation of why it was actually your fault? A healthy relationship needs two people who are willing to look at their own part.

You find yourself constantly making excuses for their behavior.

Maybe you keep telling yourself, “They're just stressed,” “That's just how they are,” or “They didn't really mean it.” And sometimes those explanations may be true. But if you find yourself repeatedly explaining away the same behavior, it might be worth stepping back and looking at the pattern rather than each individual incident.

You feel more lonely when you're with them than when you're alone.

This one can be especially hard to recognize. You can share a home, a bed, meals, holidays, and years of memories with someone and still feel profoundly alone. Relationships aren't meant to fill every emotional need we have, but there should generally be a sense of connection, companionship, and being seen.

You don't feel like you can completely be yourself.

Perhaps you've slowly stopped doing things you enjoy, expressing opinions, laughing freely, or sharing parts of yourself because they don't seem welcome in the relationship. Sometimes we don't realize how much of ourselves we've tucked away until we finally have the freedom to bring those parts back out.

And perhaps the most important thing is this: don't wait until something becomes undeniable before you allow yourself to pay attention.

You don't have to label someone. You don't have to decide immediately what a relationship means. And you certainly don't have to compare your relationship to someone else's.

But you can notice.

You can ask yourself, How do I feel in this relationship? Do I feel respected? Can I speak honestly? Can we repair things when they go wrong? Do I feel more like myself, or less like myself?

Sometimes the little things are telling us something long before we're ready to hear it.

PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.

You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.

Until next time,

Isabelle

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