Hi Friends, What did you implement last week? Did you notice some "I should's" in your life? This week I want to focus on one of our intrinsic human needs. Meaning, everyone on this earth has it and fills it one way or another (mostly subconscious). What comes to mind when you look at the picture above? As you know, I choose pictures that fit the theme. Sitting around a fire with a group of people is what came to my mind when I thought of describing the human need for belonging. Warmth of the fire. People close by. Shared stories. Laughter. Singing. Being mesmerized by the sight and sounds of the fire. Have you ever experienced this? I love this experience. So the thing with a human need is that it "needs" to be fulfilled; constructively or destructively, positively or negatively, one way or another it is getting filled. Humans have created families to allow our little humans to have a place to belong and thrive. They would not survive on their own. Children have a desire to play with others. During the evolving school years, students form groups or cliques. Some join clubs or sports or bands/orchestra. At college you have clubs, teams and sororities. At work you have teams. In the community you have organizations, clubs, churches, volunteer groups... You have online groups for any topic imaginable. You can look everywhere and you will see evidence that humans NEED to feel that they belong.
A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, and spiritually wired to love and be loved.
Isn't that beautiful? It's the reason us humans form friendships, marriages and other serious relationships. It's also the reason us humans do stupid stuff. Like joining a gang. Being promiscuous. Have an affair. Be in an abusive relationship. Manipulate. Lie. Join a cult. Do things that are risky for our health or even our lives. It is a STRONG need. Not a want. A NEED. My hope is that this will help you understand human behavior. The good and the bad. It is also my hope that we don't judge right away. Because if we are not aware, or conscious of this need and how it plays out in our lives and the lives of our loved ones, we are quick to judge. Yes, we humans judge. But that's another topic for another day. I could have saved myself hours of anguish, had I known that my children and teens made certain choices to BELONG!! I would have given myself more grace and love and forgiveness for some choices I made in my life, had I known these choices stemmed from my need to belong!
As Maya Angelou so wisely says: "Now that you know better, you do better."
That is my call to you!! Observe yourself. Without judgement. Observe others. Without judgement. How will this play out in your life? In your relationship to your partner? To your siblings? Your parents? Your teens? Your adult children? Your friends? I have made some bad choices out of my need to belong. Thankfully some have resolved itself. Others I am still dealing with. Let me know how this plays out in your life. And again, I want to thank those of you who write back to me.You have no idea how that fills me up. Knowing I don't just write into nowhere, but that someone is picking up what I put out there and takes time out of their busy day to respond!! It warms my heart. I also hope I made my brother feel that he belonged!!! See an old picture below. Let me know if I can help you understand yourself or your loved ones better. PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle Call or write for a free life coaching consultation