How are you my friends? We keep celebrating Birthdays in my family. My oldest son turned 25 and today my third child turns 19. I have learned so much through them. Have you ever considered that your children can be your teachers? It made so much sense when I was first introduced to this concept through Dr.Shefali. I thought I had to know everything to be a good teacher to my children. Not so. My world opened up to new dimensions since I turned that upside down.
Do you want your children to be confident? You probably say yes, but you don't really want them to be confident in your face! Do you? We just want them to be confident when they need to defend themselves or when they need to speak up in front of their class in school or when they have their first job interview! Basically, when it is convenient for us as parents. Well, they might have to practice and grow that confidence muscle a bit while they are still at home.
But how do we get confidence? Do some people have it and some don't? That is what I believed and I always admired those that seemed to have it. Well, this myth got busted for me. I learned that confidence is a skill. Let me repeat that. Confidence is a skill, and therefore , it can be learned. How? By doing. The picture of a toddler learning to walk wouldn't leave my mind. He takes a few steps, falls, and gets applauded by his parents! For falling ? No! For taking a few steps. If you have ever seen the expression on a toddler's face when they realize they have just accomplished this new and fascinating skill, you know it is priceless. So what does the toddler learn? He learns to applaud himself in case the adults in the room forget to do so. Remember when yours were little? They are immensely delighted by themselves and by their accomplishment! We have lost some of that delight, haven't we? In what ways can you celebrate your small accomplishments? I'm not talking about big things, like getting that job or promotion, or having saved enough money for that once in a lifetime vacation. Here are some reminders of small accomplishments that I encourage you to notice and celebrate:
I made a healthy meal for the family
I greeted my child with a smile after school
I chose to believe that my spouse meant well and I didn't get mad
I listened calmly when my child had big emotions and I was present
I noticed my thoughts today
I said one affirmation in the morning
When we do these small steps, baby steps, we get better at it and thereby, become more confident. Just like the toddler learning to walk. We practice these mindfulness tools and soon, they won't feel so awkward. We can actually see that we are making improvement. This is how we get confident. We practice a new task until we get better at it. When my clients apply these tools over time, they see huge changes. They become more confident in their skills. They start believing that they are not stuck, that they can feel better, or turn their relationship around. Do you need to practice confidence? More on this topic next week.
Life is not easy for any of us-but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
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