Hi, friends,
by the time you read this, the wedding of my oldest daughter will be over.
It's going to be a beautiful day. She looks absolutely gorgeous in her dress.
She said yes to a beautiful gown. She loved it, we loved it, and it was a done deal.
Not so with my dress... 28 years ago. I said yes to a dress, true, but it was not my dress.
Where am I going with this?
This picture was me in 1990. I was 21 years old. I thought I was pretty confident, and I was in many areas.
But...
I did not say "No" to the dress.
Instead.
I people-pleased. A friend brought a dress over for me to try on, and it fit. I said yes. Why in the world did I do that? I don't like long sleeves, or lace. That entire style was NOT ME.
It's all about the bride, right? It's her day? Not quite.
My husband and I made sure that both my dad and his dad were happy. Both happened to have very strong opinions. My dad did not want to celebrate with my friends from my youth group. They were my best friends, my second family. In an attempt to make him happy, prior to the reception dinner, I ended up having a coffee and cake reception with those friends and the wedding guests.
And guess who didn't come to the coffee and cake reception? My dad. He and his girlfriend (my mom had passed when I was young) were the only ones not attending that part.
AND there's more...
My husband, who is himself recovering from a life of consummate people-pleasing recently reminded me with regret of how he changed our honeymoon plans at the last minute. Yikes!
You see...we had our wedding ceremony in Germany, and had planned to honeymoon in Paris and Vienna. But due to the complexities of immigration and marriage laws and our financial limitations we planned to file the marriage paperwork in the USA after the honeymoon.
Well... that was the plan until my husband received some unsolicited advice from an overzealous friend who was convinced of the immorality of this sequence of events. My husband, in order to remain above reproach (sometimes known as people-pleasing) changed our honeymoon plans from Paris to...
Orlando! Just so we could come to the States and do things properly (that is, comply with other people's thoughts and opinions).
It's over 28 years and six children later and we still haven't made it to Paris, AND nobody cares when or where our marriage license was filed.
People-pleasing is not useful.
We learned a lot and keep learning.
It is to my children's benefit that I did not have the experience I wanted at my wedding or honeymoon, because I made sure she gets to plan this day any way she wants.
I know there is someone reading this who might be people pleasing. Just take a few minutes and take inventory. How is this serving you? Are you willing to step out and speak up? It's scary the first few times, and very unfamiliar. Keep going. You will get better with practice. People will have to get to know the new you.
If you need help with this transformation, please reach out to me and book a free consultation call.
It's time.
It's time to say yes. Yes to you!
Can't wait to share pictures of Bianca and Dylan's wedding. Follow me on instagram and FB.