Tuesday Thoughts And Communication

Isabelle
Aug 20, 2025
3 min read

Hi Friends,

Last week we explored attachment styles and how they influence the way we connect with others. This week I want to take it a step further. Because once we understand why we react the way we do, the next question is: How do we actually communicate with the people in our lives?

Communication, just like attachment, can fall into patterns. Sometimes we slip into dependent communication, where one person takes on the “child” role and the other becomes the “parent.” It might feel natural, even familiar, but it usually leads to imbalance. Picture a woman saying, "I can’t handle this on my own,” and her partner responding, “Just listen to me, I know better.” That back-and-forth might work for a while, but over time it creates frustration, resentment, and a lack of equality.

Other times we swing the opposite way, into independent communication. This is when we say things like, “I don’t need anyone. I’ll figure it out myself.” On the surface it sounds strong, but what’s really happening is a shutting down of intimacy. Someone might ask, “Are you okay?” and the automatic reply comes: “I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” even when the truth is very different. Independence isn’t bad—it’s important—but when we use it as a shield, it keeps others at arm’s length.

Then there’s interdependence, and this is where true connection lives. Interdependence means two whole adults walking side by side, not one leading and not one trailing. It’s about owning your feelings without making the other person responsible for them. It’s about listening without trying to fix or control. It’s about being able to say, “I could use your support right now,” without collapsing into helplessness.

The difference is subtle but powerful. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” interdependent communication sounds more like, “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted—can we slow down so I can finish my thought?” That small shift changes everything. It opens the door to respect, intimacy, and growth. It’s not about needing someone to complete you, and it’s not about proving that you can do everything alone. It’s about choosing partnership—whether in a marriage, a friendship, or even a working relationship—while still staying rooted in your own worth and identity.

Interdependent communication is honest and respectful. It sounds like:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can you listen while I talk it through?”
“I’d love your input on this decision, but I also trust my own judgment.”
“I appreciate your perspective, even if I see it differently.”

It’s a space where both people can express needs without guilt, ask for help without shame, and disagree without fear of rejection. Instead of playing tug-of-war with control or collapsing into helplessness, both stand firm in themselves while staying open to each other.

Just like with attachment, these aren’t boxes we’re stuck in. We all slip into child/parent roles or into hyper-independence at times. What matters is noticing it and gently bringing ourselves back into balance. Every time you practice interdependent communication, you’re building a stronger foundation—not just in your romantic relationships, but with friends, family, and even coworkers.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen through awareness. And every step toward interdependence is a step toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships."Some couples communicate like Wi-Fi signals—one is always searching for a connection, the other insists they’re already connected… but true interdependence is when you finally figure out the password together." :)

This week's affirmation:

I honor my own voice and listen with respect to the voices of others.

Isabelle

Reflection Question:Where in my life am I speaking from dependence or independence—and how can I shift toward interdependence in my next conversation?

PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.

You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.

Until next time,

Isabelle

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