Tuesday Thoughts And Creating strong attachments

Isabelle
Aug 15, 2025
3 min read

Hi Friends,

I trust the methapor of the wildflower from last week encouraged you. This week I want to circle back to a topic we touched on in the mini course.

The 4 Attachment Styles – And Why Awareness Changes Everything

I took an attachment style quiz a long time ago—not once, but twice. The first time, I answered with a toxic relationship in mind. The second time, I thought about a close, supportive friend. The results couldn’t have been more different. With the toxic person in mind, my answers showed a much more insecure attachment. With my friend in mind, I showed up as mostly secure.

This was such an eye-opener. It reminded me that our attachment style isn’t fixed in stone—it can shift depending on the relationship and the level of safety we feel. But to change it, we first have to see it.

Let’s break down the four main attachment styles and how they might show up in everyday life:

1. Secure Attachment

You feel comfortable giving and receiving love. You trust people, and you can set healthy boundaries without fear of losing the relationship.

Real-life example: You and your friend have plans, but they have to cancel last minute. You feel a little disappointed but trust their reason and look forward to rescheduling. No drama, no spiraling thoughts.

2. Anxious Attachment

You crave closeness and reassurance, but often fear the other person will pull away. You may overanalyze their tone, response times, or body language.

Real-life example: Your partner doesn’t text back for two hours. Instead of assuming they’re busy, you start wondering if they’re upset with you or losing interest.

3. Avoidant Attachment

You value independence so much that closeness can feel overwhelming. You may keep people at a safe emotional distance to avoid feeling vulnerable.

Real-life example: A friend tries to have a heartfelt conversation with you, but you change the subject or joke about it because deep down, emotional closeness feels uncomfortable.

4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment

You want connection but also fear it—often because past experiences taught you that love can be unsafe. This can lead to pushing people away and then longing for them again.

Real-life example: You meet someone you like and start opening up. Then suddenly, you ghost them—not because you’ve lost interest, but because the closeness triggers fear.

Why This Matters

We all want secure attachment. It’s the foundation of healthy, nourishing relationships—romantic, friendship, family, and even our relationship with ourselves.

And this isn’t just about romantic partners. Your attachment style can show up with friends, relatives, co-workers, or your spouse. It’s about any human connection where trust, safety, and emotional intimacy are at play. This is why you might feel secure and at ease with one person, yet anxious or guarded with another.

But here’s the truth: All healing starts with awareness. When we notice our patterns—whether anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, or secure—we can start making different choices. We can learn to communicate our needs, regulate our emotions, and choose relationships that feel safe.

The quiz I took was more than just “interesting.” It was a mirror. It showed me how much our environment and the people we interact with influence how we show up—and how much power we have to shift toward secure attachment when we choose safety and trust. Because, at the end of the day, the relationships that matter most are the ones where we can be fully ourselves and still feel loved.

Here is the link to the quiz

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/

Your Turn – Reflection Questions

Take a moment to think about your own patterns. You might even want to journal your answers:

Who in your life makes you feel the most secure? What do they do that helps you feel safe?
Is there a relationship where you feel more anxious or guarded? What triggers that feeling?
Do you notice your attachment style shifting depending on who you’re with?
What’s one small thing you could do this week to create more emotional safety in your relationships?
If you could show up as your most secure self in all your relationships, what would that look and feel like?

Awareness is the first step. Change begins the moment you decide to look at your patterns with honesty and compassion.

PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you..