Hi friends, I hope you implemented a little more self compassion in your life. Do you ever listen to an interview or read a book and you stop and say: I need to write that down, this is so good? I am not talking about quotes here, but super helpful and practical sentences we can say to make life easier. That is exactly what one woman did. Her name is Karin Kuschik and she wrote a book called "50 sentences that make life easier." Sadly it is not translated into English yet. But I need to introduce one sentence to you today. How often have you been in situations where you wish you had a quick-witted response. Yep, that's me a lot of times. I don't want to be mean, sarcasm makes no sense to me, (unless you want to hurt someone), I also don't want to be too soft and give the impression of "step all over me",....so what do we say in those moments? This comes up a lot in my coaching. Women who want to speak up with kindness and authenticity while setting clear boundaries and bringing their point across without anyone double guessing the meaning of the spoken words. Sound good so far? It's almost like a magic wand. It truly is. It's like a tool you can use to feel better about yourself. Something easy to pull out of the toolbox and use right away. And with all tools, we need to practice. Knowledge doesn’t change a thing. Change only happens when we change our mindset and attitude and IMPLEMENT. just like learning a new language. Hearing it and reading it is only a small percentage of the learning. Thats why immersive language learning is the best. Meaning: you are in the country with native speakers and you have to speak it yourself. This is part of assertive communication. It gives clarity, sets boundaries und portrays appreciation/worth towards you and the other. This is an example from her book. Anna and peter are home after a long day of work. Peter bought movie tickets and surprises Anna with them. She says, she'd rather stay home and take a long bath, she is exhausted and doesn’t want to go out. Peter gets upset and complains that the one time he is spontaneous and thought of surprising her she is selfish and doesn't want to go with him. He blames her for ruining the evening. She gets angry with Peter and says "you never understand me." Bathroom door slams and the evening is indeed ruined. You can picture this scenario. If it didn't happen in this same way, you certainly have experienced it in one variation or another. So, how could this have been solved in a better way? An authentic, kind , yet firm way? Karin Kuschik suggests the following response for Anna. " I am sorry to disappoint you. Thank you for the good intention. I am not doing it against you, but for me."
I am not doing this against you, but for me.
Boom! How does that sound? Clear? Authentic? Kind? Firm? Exactly. Now where can you use this phrase? write it on a sticky note and put it on your desk, mirror, car, purse....So you have a cheat sheet until it's second nature. It sounds to me like a wonderful solution to a possibly sticky situation. You are saying no, honoring your partner's/ friend's/ coworker's intention without loosing yourself and giving in. that is the people pleasing we do, but it doesn't feel right and is NOT authentic. How do you like this sentence? This is for me and all my clients who need a kind way to speak up! This is for us women who never had a voice and were looked down upon and silenced. There are many of us. Too many. I can't wait to hear from you and how you implemented this tool. You can do it! I believe in you.
PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.
Until next time, Isabelle
Call or write for a free life coaching consultation #732-331-2246 Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com