101 questions to ask before you get married
This is a book title by H.Norman Wright who also authored "Before you say I do". Maybe you are familiar with the author , maybe not.
Actually , I had a totally different topic in mind for this weeks newsletter, until last night! My oldest daughter got engaged to her best friend. We are so happy for them. We love him, his family, their friendship, their plans, pretty much everything about them .
So having just attended a Gottman marriage seminar this week, I have to share what they say is the number one foundation for a happy marriage. And their findings are based on 30 years of research!! Is it Sex? Bank account? Hobbies you have in common? Same belief system? Nope.
Its a beautiful thing and among the couples I coached, the ones who had this , bounced back a lot quicker.
It's , .....drum roll please....FRIENDSHIP!
My daughter Bianca and her Fiance Dylan, knew each other for almost two years and dated for over a year. They also had many conversations and spent a lot of time together to really get to know one another. Very smart. Her future mother in law was funny in pointing out her son's shortcomings and jokingly telling my daughter "you still have time to run":)
It is so important to really get to know your partner before you say "I do".
For pictures of the engagement please look at my FB or Instagram @isabellestepbystep
. Photo credits go to my 18 year old daughter Nadia. She hates when I advertise for her, but I just did ;)
Here is a 3 question sampler from the 101 questions. . Aren't you glad I am not writing about all of them???
number 6: What have you learned from previous relationships that will make you a better partner for someone at this time?
The book has blank space to fill in an answer and then this paragraph.
'Every relationship can be a learning experience . For some it makes them wiser, while for others it makes them wary. Note whether the responses are basically blaming the other person. Did your partner learn more about the opposite sex or about themselves? What would they do differently in your relationship?
number 8: What are 3 of the most vivid memories you can recall from birth to age 18?
Whether the memories are positive or negative events, who were the significant people involved? How have these memories shaped this person's life? Who we are today is a reflection of our past experience.
Boy, I love this one, don't you?
number 49: What is your dream of a perfect marriage?
A person's fantasy can be shaped by what they've seen in real life, film, books, and so on. There is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people. It's better to talk about a realistic marriage. Why not interview several couples on the subject of what makes their marriage work and benefit from their experience?
So far the sampler.
I have also collected peoples responses to the question" What do you wish you had known before you got married? " I will share those another time. Stay tuned.
As always, if you need help in your marriage, if you're stuck and need some tools to help you out, I am here to help you get to the other side.
Contact me for a free consult.
or email: Isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com
You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.