The Lost Art At Being Bad at Something

Isabelle
1 day ago
4 min read

Hi Friends,

Somewhere along the way, many of us adults decided that if we weren't naturally good at something, we probably shouldn't do it. As children, we didn't think that way. We fell off bicycles. We misspelled words. We sang off-key. We tried, failed, laughed, and tried again. But as adults, being a beginner can feel uncomfortable. We want to know what we're doing. We want to look competent. We don't want to make mistakes.

The problem is that a lot of the best things in life require us to be bad at them first.

When I moved from Europe to the United States at 21, I wasn't good at being an immigrant. I was learning a new culture, a new way of life, and trying to figure out where I fit in. There were plenty of awkward moments and misunderstandings along the way. Like calling a bagel a beagle or answering the "How are you?" question with a real answer;). When I became a mother, I certainly wasn't an expert. No one hands you a manual that perfectly prepares you for raising six children. Every stage brought something new to learn. Looking back, I got many things right, and I got some things wrong. Like every parent, I learned as I went along.Years later, I had to learn how to let those children go. One by one they grew up, moved out, started careers, relationships, and lives of their own. No matter how much we know it's supposed to happen, becoming an empty nester isn't something most of us are immediately good at.

Then came becoming a grandmother. Another beautiful role, but another new one. There was no perfect roadmap for that either.Building a business was much the same. When I first started my cleaning business, I didn't know everything there was to know about pricing, marketing, customer relationships, or running a company. I am learning through experience. My dream business of coaching had only a good year or 2 and then it fizzled out and I was not able to figure out the marketing part. Some things worked. Some didn't. Every mistake taught me something valuable. And after my divorce, I found myself stepping into yet another unfamiliar chapter. Learning how to create a life on my own after more than three decades of marriage wasn't something I automatically knew how to do. There were moments of uncertainty, moments of growth, and many moments where I was figuring things out as I went.

Moving to Florida brought another challenge: making new friends. Making friends as a child seems almost effortless. You sit next to someone in school, and by lunchtime you're friends. There is the absolute cutest trend on social media called: "If adults made friends like children." As adults, it can feel much more vulnerable. You have to introduce yourself. Attend events where you know no one. Start conversations. Put yourself out there. And yes, be disappointed and try again. And yes, sometimes it feels awkward.

Recently I've also been reminded of this while learning new hobbies. Whether it's crocheting, gardening, painting, learning technology, or trying something entirely different, there is often a period where we're simply not very good.The stitches don't look right.The project doesn't turn out the way we imagined. We compare ourselves to people who have been doing it for years. And we wonder if maybe we should just quit.

But what if being bad at something isn't a problem? What if it's actually proof that we're growing? Every skill you've ever mastered started with not knowing how. Every confident person was once uncertain. Every successful business owner, parent, grandparent, artist, athlete, writer, and friend was once a beginner. Did you know that my friend, who is editing this blog for me, a woman, has a multiple degree black belt in karate? Fifth degree, she is a Kyoshi. Hats off to her! I know where she started, as my son was in the same class, years and years ago. The truth is, most of the meaningful things in my life started with me not knowing exactly what I was doing. And perhaps that's true for you too.

So today, I want to give you permission to be bad at something.

Not careless. Not unprepared. Just new.

There may be something you've been wanting to try, but you've been waiting until you feel more confident, more knowledgeable, or more certain of success. The trouble is that confidence usually comes after we begin, not before.

Every new chapter asks something of us. It asks us to tolerate not having all the answers. It asks us to make mistakes, adjust course, and keep going. It asks us to trust that we can learn.

I've found that some of the richest experiences in my life came from stepping into situations where I felt unsure of myself. Moving to a new country. Starting a business. Learning how to navigate life after divorce. Building new friendships in a new state. None of those things felt comfortable at first. But had I waited until I felt completely ready, I might still be waiting.

Growth rarely looks graceful in the beginning. More often, it looks like trying, stumbling, learning, and trying again.

And maybe that's exactly where you are right now.

Maybe there is something calling to you! A hobby, a dream, a new friendship, a class, a business idea, or a change you've been considering. You don't have to do it perfectly. You don't have to impress anyone. You only have to be willing to start where you are.

Because every expert was once a beginner, and every meaningful journey begins with a first imperfect step.

PS: Message me for a free consult to start moving toward a more confident you.

You are loved. Deeply loved. Loved beyond measure.

Until next time,

Isabelle